I am not a sadist... am I?

The term Sadist really gives me a headache. I don't know if I am a sadist or not.

Most definitions of sadism basically agrees on something like "the deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others."

Well, the inflicting pain part is not that complicated at first glance. I enjoy giving my girl a spanking, whipping or decorating her breasts with clothes pins. But then comes the paradox with a consenting masochistic partner. The truth is that I would not enjoy inflicting pain to someone that does'nt receive some pleasure out of it. But then I am really distributing pleasure rather then inflicting pain. Am I still concidered a Sadist?

The same goes for the abuse. I can't abuse someone beyond their consent if I am to feel good about it. If you really take offence of being called a whore I will refrain from using that term. How can you reach a point where you actually gives abuse but still within the boundrys of consent.

I have not gotten it all worked out yet as you can see. But it's a pleasurable labour getting there. And as long as I enjoy the practise maybee one does not have to worry too much about the terminology.